Saturday, January 5, 2013

I Can't Talk To Women

I have fluctuated from being completely confident when talking with the better smelling half of the fairer sex to an an absolute dweeb.

And of course there is something to be said about how pretty and confident is the woman that I am speaking to. My lack of Machiavellian bravery begins with over thinking and assuming. Confidence requires neither of these attributes. "Confidence is a moron, coolness is the cat."

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

I have spent relentless hours in coffee shops trying to write my blog articles while being tortured by the droning of nervous men attempting to portray themselves as sexual lumber jack (-asses). Interrupting their date, whining about past relationships, extolling their minor accomplishments. Even asking questions with the specific intent of leading the woman down the road of another sordid tale of their verbosity.

This is a coffee date, not a marriage proposal. Why sell the whole car lot when she just wants a test drive?

Some real advice from a student of dating trial and error-ing. Speak what you hear.
  • Is she divorced with kids or without?
  • Did she say that her kids are in school? 
  • How old are they? 
  • Does she like the car she is driving?
  • Can you relate a story that makes her feel stronger?
  • What movie almost made you cry?
  • Are you worried about feeding children in other countries?
  • Does she like the Arrested Development TV series?
 Sort out your real agenda here.

Just be a big brother, cousin, gay friend, very macho sister but for heaven sake drop it down to third gear. A drag race is short, loud and virtually pointless except to everyone but the driver.

Listeners are better lovers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends.
So don't say "I Can't Talk To Women" unless you are sure women can't talk to you first.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Is She Worth My Time?

You've been talking up this sweet girl for weeks. Playing it cool, being nice, listening to her problems and desires. You know how much this lady hates her boss, loves her cat and eats too much ice cream. She's hot, the pay off will be sweet. Right?

Man Up Bitch 

It may seem like a pot of gold at the end of her rainbow but women who like to wait probably have a reason. Some body deformity she doesn't want yo to see, a problem with one of twenty body fluids she cannot control. Maybe at night she turns into some unspeakable monster from fables of old. (Well, we know she does for at least one week out of the month)

Shorten Your Wait Time

So, depending on how long you have invested in your sexual golden ticket, it may be time to step off. Reset your schedule for storming her moist beaches. It is time for the oldest and most successful diversionary tactic in the male getting laid handbook. Getting disinterested will drive her crazy. (The other crazy.)

You want in her pants, she wants in your soul. Her tactic is working, you keep coming back. You have been a gentleman to the point of nausea, laughed at boring conversation, listened intently like one of her girlfriends. Now is the time to lay down the law of tit for tat. Give then take it all away.

Look at her intently but reduce your positive response. Listen but offer no advice. Do not console her, ask what she plans to do about her problems. Let it be known she may be on her own when a dark wind blows. Let her wonder what a cold dark world would be like without you there to get her back, and front.

Test these waters before committing to anymore Freudian generosity. When she sits a little closer, stares a little longer into your steely gaze, you'll have a edge not before presented.

Man up bitch